The Uniform

Well I knew this day would come....I try to hide from it but it always comes back to bite me in my robust ass!

Yesterday a lady looking something like this
came to fit us for our new uniforms.  A long while back we had to go get measurements taken and she was now bringing them to see how they fit.  The first thing I noticed was the fact that there wasn't a bag with my name on it.  Hmmmm.....I tried to trick myself into thinking that maybe they weren't going to make the leadhands wear uniforms....stupid girl I am sometimes.  The first person to go slipped into her uniform and well lets just say I was not impressed.  The shirt looks like something a sushi chef or maybe a karate instructor would wear.  The material was also very stiff.  I started to perspire....was I going to have to wear this???  I paced.  Then she calls me in.  "Can you try this on please"?  She hands me a white smock.  Great day to pick to wear my brand new cotton candy pink bra.....sigh.  I go into the bathroom and put it on.  It's to tight around my boobs....it makes me look heavier then I already am. I go out, she fusses around me....she tugs here...straightens there....my chest and face are on fire.  One of my co-workers is standing beside me trying to make me feel better.  It's not working.  I promised Kim I wouldn't cry in front of this women (I kept my promise, but it wasn't easy).  She says I can get it a size larger if I would like....yes please....will mine be white?  Oh no it will be the same as the others, we just didn't have a grey in your size.  They also didn't have pants or a sweater in my size.  Ummm I thought you took my measurements for that purpose...oh you didn't get mine....???? Anyway this is something what they look like.....and they tell us they are good for all body types (this is what skinny bitches say when they want fat girls to wear something out of their comfort level).

and this is on one of the average sized girls.  It's hideous.  The pants, which you can't see, aren't to bad.  That top is awful. 

Needless to say the whole thing has sent me into a tail spin.  Now you poor people who dare to come visit here will have to be subject to my whining.  TURN BACK NOW.....YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

SHHHHH....don't tell anyone....I'm a fat girl.  Like no one is aware of that.  I hate being fat, yet I really enjoy food...and I'm lazy.  I work all day and the last thing I want to do when I get home is exercise.  In fact I'm so heavy now that even thinking about exercising makes me tired.  I'm also afraid.  Afraid of airplane seats that won't fit my ass and seat belts that won't go around me.  Afraid of plastic lawn chairs that might break if I sit in them.  Afraid of car rides that squish me against people 'cause I take up so much room.  Afraid of restaurant booths that I might not fit into.  Afraid of theme parks and water rides. Afraid of movie theatre seats and afraid for the person that has to sit beside me 'cause my largeness falls over into their personal space.  Afraid to eat in front of some people 'cause I know what they're thinking.  Afraid to dance because I feel like people are watching and laughing.  Afraid of clothing stores.  Afraid of halloween and themed dances....there is never a cute costume for a fat girl. Afraid of rejection because you may be disgusted by me.  Afraid of hugs, it's hard to get your arms around me.  Afraid I'll embarrass my friends.  Afraid I'll embarrass my husband.  Afraid I'll embarrass my kids.  Being afraid sucks. I've missed out on so much and will miss out on so much more.  I really didn't want to resort to any sort of surgery but I'm not sure I have any other options.  But again.....I'm afraid.

New Years Resolutions

....do you make them?  I usually try to, but most of the time by the end of January I've forgotten what the resolution was.  This year I think I'll just make one goal.  My goal this year is to become a better spender.  I would say that I'm going to try and spend less, however I love to spend money.  I work everyday and therefore I think I should be able to spend some of that money.  I do need to learn to spend more wisely.  I don't really need to go to shoppers for example and waste money on magazines...with the Internet anything that I think I need to know I should be able to find online.  Make up is another thing I spend to much money on.  I love it, and yet I wear very little of it.  I have very red skin so I wear a foundation/powder to try and even things out and eyeliner are my staples.  When I go out I like to wear some shadow and mascara yet if you ever took a peek in my room you would find tons of lipstick, eye shadows, and different liners.  More then one person could every use and did you know that make up has a shelf life....yeah it does so half of the stuff I have I probably shouldn't be using.  I also have issues with office supplies.  I LOVE them.  So this year I'm going to try and only buy new office stuff if I'm out of something...no Dawn you do not need anymore post it notes, even if they are a super cute colour.  Push pins...well I have boxes in my desk drawer that I haven't even opened yet....and don't even get me started on highlighters.....So that's it for me...spend more wisely.  Sorry Addy this means no more $5 t-shirts from stitches until you grow out of some of the 30 you already have.  I will be pickier about my purchases.
I also have a couple of personal resolutions but I don't think I'll share them....yet.
So did you make any?  Do you think you'll keep them?  Fingers crossed for all of us.