Expectation versus Reality

Expectation: I thought I would bounce back quickly.
Reality: I did not.

Expectation: weight dropping off quickly.
Reality: it is not.

Expectation: My energy levels would sky rocket.
Reality: it hasn't.....at least not yet.

Expectation: I would still be the same old person.
Reality: I am not.

What Now??

So now what happens.  I keep plugging away.  I'm getting much braver which is a good thing.  But I still don't feel like eating.  I have to force it.  Things taste fine, but I just don't care to eat.  Go figure....a girl who use to be able to eat even when she wasn't hungry now doesn't want to eat....EVER. I go back to work next Thursday.  I'll be fine, tired but fine.  I have enough foods that I can safely eat at work and in a timely manner. I eat a lot of cold stuff.  Trying to eat a warm meal is tricky.  It takes me so long that my meal is cold by the time I finish.

The next big problem is people "looking" at me.  Not my close friends and family.  But people who know I've had the surgery and they are trying to see if they can tell if I've lost weight.  I could be projecting my own feelings onto them, but sometimes I don't think so.  They look me up and down and I can feel their disappointment that I haven't lost more.  I feel the disappointment every time I step on the scale or look in the mirror.  I'm at 44lbs and can't understand why I'm not losing more quickly.  I'm walking, eating very little.....so WTF.  The only thing I can think of is that I'm still not getting all of the protein I need and sometimes I forget to take all of my pills.  So maybe that's hurting me.  Who knows.  People say that what I've done is taking the easy way out.....well let me tell you....so far there is nothing easy about it.

This weekend we are going to a dance.  I'm a little nervous.  I know everyone will be checking to see what's happening with the fat girl....and they will look at me with disappointment....and because I can't drink I'll have to pretend not to notice. ~sigh~

On a different note.  The room for the kids is almost complete.  I'm so excited.  I hope they enjoy it.  If they don't I'm taking it over 'cause I love it.