Today, May 15 2019 is the anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery. Sometimes I feel like it's zipped by and others it feels like a lifetime ago. On July 2 2013 after many, many attempts to lose weight I decided along with my doctor that I would take the big step and have gastric bypass surgery. The decision was not made lightly and I talked to Brett, my family and friends before I decided what to go that route. The process took almost a year. Everyone had opinions, this is a good thing. Some of them were positive, some not so much. But that's the great thing about getting to express your opinion. It made me do my research. It made me learn everything I could about how things were going to change. Was I up to those changes. Could I make the lifestyle choices that I needed to.....the answer is NO. LOL....don't get me wrong. I try very hard. I have an addictive personality. As you've heard my daughter say...I'm extra. This means everything I do....I over do. The good and the bad, much to the dismay or delight of everyone who's lives I touch.
So today as I sit here and reflect....the bad
- Too much extra skin hanging from my body
- My incredibly thin hair due to it continuously falling out (but hey I only have to get my hair cut once a year).
- A morning mixture of 7 vitamins and 2 prescription pills to keep me healthy...as well as 4 more vitamins throughout the day.
- The effects when I don't keep up with the pills like I'm supposed to.
- The never knowing how food will effect me. So far I've been incredibly lucky. The worst things that have happened (fingers crossed it's all that will happen) is I get really tired, or it can feel like I have food stuck and I have to lay flat to make the ache go away.
- The anxiety and dare I say depression (shhhhhh we don't talk about that).....I have now is my biggest hurdle. Because I feel like I missed so much I sometimes want to try and do everything. But I'm afraid to try. I'm afraid of failure, of not being accepted. Afraid of disappointing the people I care about. Self loathing and low self confidence can be a real bitch. But I'm working on that!!
- I developed a crazy alter-ego when I drink. She's bat shit crazy....I kinda like her...if she'd just let me remember things a little better, I'd love her. My family isn't really crazy about her.
When I was heavier I had a bubble that I lived in. I wouldn't meet Brett's work friends, or heaven forbid I have to attend a school event with the kids. What if I embarrassed Brett, what if the kids got teased because their mom was fat (it happened....it was horrible). My friends and family kept me safe. If I had to go somewhere that I really didn't want to someone would come with me to help me get through it. My family and friends were my protectors. They still are.
But now for the good:
- I lost over 172lbs! Have I gained any back. Yes!! No I won't tell you how much. ....that's part of the reason I'm typing this. As a five year gift to myself I'm going to attempt to get back on track. Because I have an addictive personality it's a slippery slope. I need to be more aware of what I'm doing to myself.
- I went on trip to Florida with my family and had the time of my life. I para-sailed with my daughter. The look on her face meant everything to me.
- I got to buy a pair of silver jeans....and I get to wear dresses now....even with the saggy skin. It's the one thing I allow myself to do and I try not to stress about the looks.
- I went ice skating with my kids.
- I can get in and out of the boat with the reflexes of cat...bahahahahaha....fine I'm still as clumsy as ever but I CAN get in and out of the boat. In fact the boat is now my favorite place to be.
- I took a chance and went for a job interview for an ad I saw on facebook. I knew nothing about the field of work, I'm still learning. They took a chance on me. I'm still here. They are now family.
- When I was heavier I was an observer at the Halloween parties and dances....now I can and do dress up every chance I get (thank you Suzy, Brett and Chris for always indulging me and being a part of that).
- I finished a 5K mud run and had the time of my life doing it with some super great women.
- I went tubing....thanks Nancy!!
- Poor Brett indulges all of my craziness and makes sure to help me when I struggle. Without him I wouldn't have made it as far as I have.
With love, Delta Dawn
Thank you so much for your posts , read them all. For some one that it’s in the beginning of your journey this was the best overview I could have gotten. You talk about all that I fear in such way that I am now convinced to proceed. Sounds weird right, but God only knows what goes thru our mind... I am 64 years old and do t feel it except for my body, I have an autoimmune disorder, struggle and pain are not unknown to me but my desire to enjoy life is much present, my 6 year old granddaughter is growing fast and I want to be able to join her now in her early years of school trips, hikes, swimming and all.
ReplyDeleteThank you again for sharing your journey !
Okay, so you made me cry! But they are tears of joy because we are so proud of you! We know it wasn't an easy decision, and we probably weren't as supportive as we should have been, but that was fear of the unknown. As we see the joy you express in your life today, we know that it was a good decision and what a difference it has made in the whole you! Keep up the good work, and enjoy the rest of your wonderful life, whatever it may bring. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThat was Myrna. I didn't know that it wouldn't say my name.
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ReplyDeleteDawn you are an amazing person and I love reading your FB posts. You have done so well. I will never forget meeting you at Ottawa Civic, we were both having Endoscopy's before our surgery, and they didn't anethesize either of us well, we talked a storm and the Nurse gave us shit and told us we were in a "recovery room"....lol....obviously we were recovered enough to get the hey outa there. Keep going!!!
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