Mom and Jack - This is it!!

This Sunday, June 23rd will be the last "Sunday Funday" at 5336 Ramparts Lane.  When Mom and Jack first told me they had a buyer for their house I went home and cried.  Then they were so excited about their new adventure that I totally got on board.  Then this week I decided that I would try to put together a few pictures (because that's what I do)....The trip down memory lane was beautiful.  So much has happened since they moved in there. I put together a slide show and then tried to watch it.....I cried....I know, I know...I cry at everything.  I found so many pictures.  I haven't even searched the really old ones.  This was just what I found on facebook, my phone, and a couple of online albums I have. 

So to my mom and Jack.

Thank you.  Thank you for creating wonderful memories for me and my children.  Thank you for welcoming Brett's family, our friends, and my kids friends all into your home and your hearts.  Thank you for never making me feel like it wasn't just as much my home as it was yours.  Thank you Jack for indulging pretty much my every whim when it came to mom, Brett and I making plans that you then had to figure out how we were going to accomplish it all.  Thank you mom for missing out on a lot of what was going on because you were constantly trying to make sure everyone was fed, everyone had a drink, and that everyone was having a good time. All the while Brett and I got to strut around with not a care in the world and enjoy the company. I will never be able to thank the two of you enough for creating such a warm caring environment for us.  I can honestly say that I don't think there was ever one person that came to your home and didn't immediately feel welcome.  What a wonderful gift you both have.  I love you both very much.  I can't wait to see what this next journey brings for you.

I don't think the village is ready for us.  Let's give them something to talk about shall we!?! 

*** side note, this video is over 9 minutes long....I could've probably made it 9 hours long.  As I said this was just a small amount of the pictures that I have.  I wish I had started going through them sooner. This slide show isn't for everyone....only those who are bored and don't have anything better to do....and it's for my mom...cause she should see what all of her hard work created!!





you have to copy and paste the link, cause I couldn't get it to embed. Stupid thing. 

http://web.photodex.com/view/kp7b77x4

My Fit Bit is a Bitch!

Decided to celebrate my 5 year anniversary by purchasing myself a fitbit.  Big mistake.....HUGE.  She is a nasty little thing.  She whines more then I do.  She's always telling me to "feed" her more steps...nice choice of words Estelle (that's what I've named her, I have no idea why). Estelle likes to make a big commotion if I haven't moved my ass in awhile.  She likes to make sure I take at least 250 steps every hour.  I have a desk job.  Sometimes I don't even realize I've sat for an hour.  So now when she starts yelling (vibrating) at me, I get up and walk to the back of our shop and back a couple of times.  Sometimes that gets boring so I walk out the back door and in the front or the other way around.  I'm sure if anyone in the neighbouring buildings sees me the wonder what on earth the crazy girl at FPS is doing?? Meh! C'est la vie. I will give credit where credit is due however.  Estelle has made me move more....and that could be just what I needed.
Estelle also likes to guilt me into walking at lunch.  This isn't so bad except that there are wild animals in my pathway.  The kind that attack.  So I can't walk the lovely sidewalked (I know not a word) path....I have to walk the other direction on the side of the road or in the grass and garbage (stop littering effers!!!).  I hate geese! 

**side note:  after my last blog post that I shared openly on FB I received quite a few comments and messages.  Thank you all.  As I've said before....being extra means I also share far to much.  Not thinking about consequences and whether I might offend or hurt someones feelings.  Know that, this is never my intention.  I find blogging a little therapeutic.  In fact I went back and reread everything.  Some of it was a little hard to read.  Some was funny and some I had totally forgotten about.  Be prepared....things could get freaky!! Bahahahahaha.

Who's that girl?!? My 5 year Anniversary

Today, May 15 2019 is the anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery.  Sometimes I feel like it's zipped by and others it feels like a lifetime ago.  On July 2 2013 after many, many attempts to lose weight I decided along with my doctor that I would take the big step and have gastric bypass surgery.  The decision was not made lightly and I talked to Brett, my family and friends before I decided what to go that route.  The process took almost a year. Everyone had opinions, this is a good thing.  Some of them were positive, some not so much.  But that's the great thing about getting to express your opinion.  It made me do my research.  It made me learn everything I could about how things were going to change.  Was I up to those changes.  Could I make the lifestyle choices that I needed to.....the answer is NO.  LOL....don't get me wrong.  I try very hard.  I have an addictive personality.  As you've heard my daughter say...I'm extra.  This means everything I do....I over do.  The good and the bad, much to the dismay or delight of everyone who's lives I touch.  

So today as I sit here and reflect....the bad

• Too much extra skin hanging from my body
• My incredibly thin hair due to it continuously falling out (but hey I only have to get my hair cut once a year).
•  A morning mixture of 7 vitamins and 2 prescription pills to keep me healthy...as well as 4 more vitamins throughout the day.
• The effects when I don't keep up with the pills like I'm supposed to. 
• The never knowing how food will effect me.  So far I've been incredibly lucky.  The worst things that have happened (fingers crossed it's all that will happen) is I get really tired, or it can feel like I have food stuck and I have to lay flat to make the ache go away. 
• The anxiety and dare I say depression (shhhhhh we don't talk about that).....I have now is my biggest hurdle.  Because I feel like I missed so much I sometimes want to try and do everything.  But I'm afraid to try.  I'm afraid of failure, of not being accepted.  Afraid of disappointing the people I care about. Self loathing and low self confidence can be a real bitch.  But I'm working on that!! 
• I developed a crazy alter-ego when I drink. She's bat shit crazy....I kinda like her...if she'd just let me remember things a little better, I'd love her.  My family isn't really crazy about her.

When I was heavier I had a bubble that I lived in.  I wouldn't meet Brett's work friends, or heaven forbid I have to attend a school event with the kids.  What if I embarrassed Brett, what if the kids got teased because their mom was fat (it happened....it was horrible). My friends and family kept me safe.  If I had to go somewhere that I really didn't want to someone would come with me to help me get through it.  My family and friends were my protectors.  They still are.

But now for the good:

•  I lost over 172lbs!  Have I gained any back. Yes!! No I won't tell you how much.  ....that's part of the reason I'm typing this.  As a five year gift to myself I'm going to attempt to get back on track.  Because I have an addictive personality it's a slippery slope.  I need to be more aware of what I'm doing to myself. 
•  I went on trip to Florida with my family and had the time of my life.  I para-sailed with my daughter.  The look on her face meant everything to me.
•  I got to buy a pair of silver jeans....and I get to wear dresses now....even with the saggy skin.  It's the one thing I allow myself to do and I try not to stress about the looks.
•  I went ice skating with my kids.
•  I can get in and out of the boat with the reflexes of cat...bahahahahaha....fine I'm still as clumsy as ever but I CAN get in and out of the boat.  In fact the boat is now my favorite place to be.
•  I took a chance and went for a job interview for an ad I saw on facebook.  I knew nothing about the field of work, I'm still learning.  They took a chance on me.  I'm still here.  They are now family.
•  When I was heavier I was an observer at the Halloween parties and dances....now I can and do dress up every chance I get (thank you Suzy, Brett and Chris for always indulging me and being a part of that).
•  I finished a 5K mud run and had the time of my life doing it with some super great women. 
• I went tubing....thanks Nancy!!
• Poor Brett indulges all of my craziness and makes sure to help me when I struggle.  Without him I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. 

Long and short of it....yes there are struggles....set backs ...and I haven't even touched on half of them.  But the pros far out way the cons.  I will always miss the woman I was.  After all, she married a great guy, had two beautiful babies and had a pretty comfy life. But she was an observer.  I want to be a participant. I should've done it far sooner.  I can't get back the time I've lost with my family.  But I'm trying really hard to make it up.  I can't wait to see what's still to come.

With love, Delta Dawn

I look like I'm melting.....

....no seriously.  That's what it looks like under my clothes.  Shorts are NOT my friend.  I knew there would be saggy sking, but I literally look melty.  My skin sags in a way I didn't know was possible.  I love buying new clothes (much to Brett's dismay...lol) but now it's getting hard again.  I look in the mirror and notice my bat wings.  If I keep my arms too close to my body the skin all wrinkles up.  If I try on a pair of shorts I just stand and stare in horror at the way the skin on my thighs hangs....yikes. I don't dare wear a tank top and shorts in front of anyone but family, and I'm even getting a little self conscious in front of them. I was so excited about Old Forge but now I'm getting all anxious because I might have to put on a bathing suit.  I always told Addy if I lost weight I would go on the water rides....well she is holding me to that.  I bought a bathing suit in Florida that I liked but I've lost about 20 or so pounds since then but I'm afraid to try it on for fear of what it looks like.  Hey now I know this sounds like complaining and maybe it kind of is.  But I don't want you to think of it that way.  Just venting, how about that.  I actually don't mind the way I look in clothes, I will never be a skinny mini but that was never what I set out for to begin with.  In fact I like my curves.  I don't mind that my hips are still big and my boobs haven't lost much.  Take the clothes off or have less of them on and whoa nelly, it is not a pretty sight.  It's a little bit humorous....a little bit.  When I express this out loud to some people their first response is to say "oh that's age".  Fair enough some might be age, but not all.  Ok, ok...I've been trying to excercise, and even lift some small weights.  But I think I could do it every day and from what I've read it's not going to help.  Oh well.....stay tuned for more from the incredible melting woman.

You just gotta shake your head and smile!

So working in the mall you run into all kinds of people.  Sometimes this is wonderful, sometimes.......not so much.  Yesterday while I was walking to get my tea I spotted someone I hadn't seen for a very long time.  I did that thing where I pretend to be in deep concentration and that I haven't spotted them.  Unfortunatley they didn't pick up on my subtle hint.  The exchange went somthing like this:

them:  "Dawn!  Dawn!  Is that you? 

Me: "Oh hi person I barely know 'cause we only worked togther for maybe 6 months over 12 years ago, I almost didn't see you there (yes I saw you I tried to pretend I didn't).

them: "what happened to you?"

Me: "excuse me?" (knowing full well what they are talking about but not liking the tone of voice"

them: "well I mean (in a whispered tone) are you sick or something?"

Me: (are you kidding me?) " that would be or something, I'm not sick"

Them:  "Oh good, you've just lost so much weight I thought maybe you were sick.  How did you lose so much?"

Me: "I had weight loss surgery"

Them: "Oh (with a wrinkle up nose).  Well I guess anyone can lose weight that way"  You must have a ton of saggy skin?"

Me: (getting very flustered by this point) Ummmmm well yeah there is a bit of extra skin.  But I feel good and I'm healthier so I guess that's the important part"

Them: "Yeah I guess.  I would NEVER have surgery to lose weight.  I would just have to buck up and do it on my own.  Will power and excercise".

Me:  (smiling really hard at this point so as not to say something equally as rude or well you know me....cry).  "Well it was nice seeing you ,but I'm on a break and really have to get going"

Them: "Ok, well it was nice seeing you, maybe we can do coffee sometime?"

Me:  "yeah sure (so not happening)"

Now why I'm telling you about this is simply because one of the issues that Brett and I talked about before I had the surgery was if I was going to be honest with people (casual friends/co-workers etc) about what I had done or would I skirt around the issue.  We decided that we would be up front and honest.  If this was something I was going to do then I should stand by my decision and not be embarrassed by choice.  This seemed like an easy choice.  Until you run across people like this.  She doesn't really know me, she doesn't know what I've tried to do to lose weight in the past.  She really knows nothing about me.  I'm all for everyone having a right to an opinion, but I do NOT believe that someone has the right to be so rude about their opinion.  Sometimes I'm embarrassed to say I had surgery, other times it doesn't bother me at all, even if I do get funny looks.  But for some reason this one really bothered me.  Maybe it's because I was purposely being rude and trying to pretend I didn't see her so karma came back and bit me in the ass.   That'll teach me. 

Bahahahaha

I just finally finished a blog I started awhile back......yeah it was awhile. The date is coming up February even though I just finished it tonight....see procrastination!

Procrastination......it's what I do best

I have typed.....deleted....typed....deleted....and here I am typing again.  I've lost my mojo for blogging.  Everything I type is boring, uninspiring.  Even as I type this I have no direction.  In fact I'm not sure this won't get deleted as well.  I could make it a whining post.....or maybe a bitching post.  How about an update post??  They all sound terribly boring.  Nothing is inspiring me.

1. My one year surgery anniversary has passed. I'm down 148.... No 150.....no wait 148lbs....I have lost and gained the same two pounds for about a month now. Very frustrating.  Have I hit my goal yet you might ask....well 6-8 more pounds and I would say yes. However if by chance I don't lose anymore, I'm ok with that to.  I feel good, sometimes a little tired but who isn't.

2. Work......well I won't bite the hand that feeds me online. That would be stupid. But let's just say that it's frustrating. There is a lot of change, and I don't think it's all good. I'm trying something new and hopefully I'll have wonderful things to report at a later date.

3. Kids. Ugh!  I love them to pieces, but I have not done the best job with them...lol. They need some motivation. They can spend money like crazy but have yet to make any in return. I have tried talking to them until I'm blue in the face but it's not getting through. 

4. Weather: ummmmm could we get some warmer weather please.

See, what an absolute waste of a blog. I'm hoping by forcing a blog post maybe I'll be able to get some inspiration. We shall see!

My Sunday night blogging view.